I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
