I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We have started to decorate penises.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
