They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
