I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
