I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
