He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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