I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
