you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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