Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i will never coherently bang her
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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