I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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