Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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