i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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