I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
