whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
