dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
