This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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