saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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