Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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