i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
