at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
