my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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