Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
