I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
zippers are such a cool invention
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
