I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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