the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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