morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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