i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
