Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've blown a few things in my day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
3 2 1 whiskey
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
