No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize