On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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