Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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