Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize