420 ftw
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
