OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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