you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
