I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
