Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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