Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
