real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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