fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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