I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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