I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
