The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
