My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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