Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
