by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
