apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
