If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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