The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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