Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
