The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
