he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
