btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
