Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
