Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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