I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize