My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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