I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
