This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
