you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
