I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
