he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
