Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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