I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize