i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We smell like vodka and hangover
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
