I wish my penis had an off switch
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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