if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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