i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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