Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
